INNER CONFLICT AND ME


A Pulitzer-winning reporter is writing an in-depth piece — about you. What are the three questions you really hope she doesn’t ask you?DSC_4302

I am alive…….

Rarely do I feel not to share my feelings with my blogger friends….

So here I’m again to let you know what was happening in my life….

Was busy dealing with my inner conflict…..

I see the existence of conflict as a positive sign. I believe that it presents an opportunity for me to move forward if only I’m willing to face it and deal with it effectively.

It was a conflict of acceptance….

Conflict of relations and friendships……

Its just that I don’t want to deal with people anymore…..

I just want to enjoy the silence of nature….

Want to be away from this artificial man made world

I have a feeling that I am a misfit in this world of cunning, opportunists and liars 

In fact I am angry that why my parents made me kind hearted and God- fearing person?

In today’s world these old values look so out-dated and have lost their significance

Want to survive here ? Be ruthless,selfish and practical…

Am I searching something ? Yes, I am in search for truth….

This is something which I have never experienced before…..

Actually I am fun loving and honest in my relations, I value my friends….

People use to hurt me, cheat me, lied to me and I constantly moved ahead by forgetting things….

 I was young, loved to make friends easily, trusted everyone and shared my fears….

That’s a different story that most of them were not interested in long-lasting friendship and they were there for some purpose….

The moment they got what they wanted from me they vanished into thin air…..

Over the years I have realized that my circle of friends has shrank and I don’t trust people easily.

Once bitten twice shy might have been the reason…..

I was fool ! Not that now I’m not…  caution is the word I learnt later 

For last many days I have been trying to figure out the truth…

I am in shedding mode…..I am shedding unwanted relations..

Friends who don’t bother about me 

Irrelevant phone numbers whom I never gonna call because I haven’t receive any call from that number

I’m shedding the baggage which has become very heavy for me to lift

People who change color faster than chameleon will not have any space in my life

I am happy with less but loyal friends…..

Feel secure with whom I can trust…..

My sons and my husband are my world…..

My elder son had come to stay with me for some days in absence of his father. Tarun is away in deserts.

He left yesterday and I m feeling much better…..That was the reason I was not blogging since I didn’t want to sound depressed or low which actually I wasn’t……It was just I wanted to introspect for sometime that how I have to keep myself unaffected from what happens in relations and life.

I am glad that period is over now….

The-three- questions I wouldn’t like to answer: 

  1. What would you chose, career or love? ( I chose love twenty years before)  
  2. Where do you find yourself standing ten years from now?
  3. How important relations are for you in life? 

Published by

Soul n Spirit

I AM A spirited SOUL !!!! A happy, cheerful and positive one.

17 thoughts on “INNER CONFLICT AND ME”

  1. I realised your absence as I missed your comments. There are times when you have to rethink things, but I finished this process many years ago. I had one big blogging disappointment this year, but it was a minor occasion and reflecting, not worth the bother I had. Am glad to see you back and look forward to more news from India. Take care

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mrs.Angloswiss for such a heartwarming welcome ! I just finished reading and commenting on your post. It was so exciting to know that how individuals react to those extra 60 minutes in a night. Hugs and smiles to you.

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  2. Very well written… 🙂

    I think you already know that you are much stronger than you completely have ‘accepted’ yet – when I have followed your writings as long as I have the reading will let the reader ‘figure out’ that there is much substance in you – I totally agree with that the world of today is filled with errors, we neglect a lot of things – among much else to feel into ourselves or feel our inner selves – we hide behind clichés and facades while the world rushes off – forget to listen, both to ourselves and many times also to listen to others – some changes in our lives ‘forcing’ us to make progress – sometimes I think it’s healthy, I have also been the trip through because there may be differences in the cause and be differences in time – but it will come to us all, if we are a little more than what we will eat tomorrow people.

    All your thoughts are a sign of health – some have called it a mental bath… 😀

    Agree totally about your words on relations, friends and family – I myself have a kind of admission test before they are let into the innermost chambers where bad intentions hurts – not something that takes place in public, but “automatic” and it is the same for all three groups – when I myself is called a confidential friend so I am proud and do everything to be worth it not as a lackey but as a friend – most of all being honest and true to my word.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My friend Drake, you summed it up so beautifully. I mean hats off to your patience to write such a lengthy note to encourage me. I love you all the more and strongly believe in our bonding here. Who says that to know someone you have to meet on daily basis. Words are good enough to appreciate each other feelings. Thank you my friend for being there ! I am overwhelmed by your response to my thoughts.

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  3. I chose relationships over career and not just once. I did well professionally anyhow. NOT as well as I could (maybe should) have done, but well enough. I’ve never been sorry about my choices.

    I think many of us become less interested in actively socializing as we get older. I certainly did. I was never a party girl, but I was more outgoing than I am now. I need a few good friends. I don’t need a crowd. In fact, I really dislike crowds.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so touched by what you have mentioned here. It shows that I am on the right path and I’m not the only one who feels the same. I have left better paying jobs because I wanted to stay with my Tarun in remote places. I am so proud of my decisions and cherish those memories today. No regrets.

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  4. I am a very new follower of your website. This post tells me you are a very grounded young woman who is experiencing an emotional/spiritual/mental growth spurt as your life circumstances have changed. Nature is such a healing force, an inspiring force. Nature can be trusted. I would like to say to you that you will never face people or circumstances where you feel the need (Wise choice I think) of retreat and regrouping. But that would be a lie. I am old now, and I tell you with knowledge and experience that this being human is no one trick pony. You will come to know your ‘retreat/regroup’ trigger moment very well and intimately in your life and grow to trust it as you do the natural world. That is a wise and wonderful self knowledge to recognize and trust. Retreat/Regroup can be some of the best of times you will spend with yourself. And the weirdness that triggered it? Those things lose their punch and impact on the bigger picture life you lead going forward.

    Trust yourself.

    This was an excellent post. Thank you for sharing this. I look forward to reading more of your journey.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When I wrote this, least I expected was to let people know my mental state. I never thought that I would get such encouraging response from you all. This is beyond my expectations to receive love and support from you folks. I am humbled and touched by the gesture. Thanks a lot.Hope to have a great association.

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  5. So glad you are back. I think it is life passage that we are going through. I remember when I was young I had to had to have relationship. A few years after that, I chose career, I couldn’t live happily without going to the next level. I think it’s good to have a career to fall on when you can’t , trust, depend on people much. I don’t get hurt as much as I used to when I’m disappointed… though I do get disturbed. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, Rashmi.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you Amy that choosing a career is a better option when you don’t want to invest on relations anymore. Thankfully I have few precious relations to die for. I do hope they remain like this. I have a decent job but due to my husband’s profession I couldn’t next level but with every new location my package kept on increasing. At the end of the day money matters when you go out to work outside.

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  6. I am sorry you had a bad experience or more than one, Rashmi. I am many time busier and over 10 to 11 hours daily, from July through September. Usually people order car parts, we ship them from our warehouse to the Advance Auto stores. We are not union, are not air conditioned and the heat wears us out. I will be 60 next month, tired at end of day. My best months of blogging are November through March. Those are our Winter Months here. 🙂
    I stay much better connected to those who comment snd visit my blog. I feel bad when I lose people but many stick with me, since I play “catch up.”
    I have only had two fellow bloggers I miss their comments. I may have expressed an opinion they disagreed with. I am loving your openness in this post. I value your writing and friendship. Take care and may Peace and Tranquility be yours. You deserve these and more. ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Robin. It is such a soothing note and I really appreciate that extra effort “catch up” with your readers and fellow bloggers so that they value your friendship. I will be hanging around always and you can’t forget me since I will knock at your door to say hi 🙂

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