Today’s prompt asks, “Do you hold grudges or do you believe in forgive and forget?”
Why should I forgive and forget?
Read my previous response to this prompt.
Now I will say what I want to.
I don’t know why this prompt is so close to daily post team. Frequently asked. In fact it is the most favorite question of counselors too.
Seriously. Whenever we have counseling sessions in the schools organised for teen agers the first thing they ask to students is do you forgive or believe in ‘tit for tat’? Do you believe in revenge or do you forgive others?
Then the counselor teaches them about how harmful is to hold grudges or escalating the things and finish their lecture with their favorite line, “Let bygones be bygones.”Â
I wonder why they try to make it sound so simple. Aren’t they try to make them week in the name of spirituality. Yes, I agree we must be tolerantÂ but not at our self- respect. What’s wrong in catching bull by it’s horns?Â
Is it so easy to forget if someone humiliates you publicly? Is it possible to respect your boss forgetting that how he purposely neglects your presence and good work in front of others? The obvious answer would be ‘No’.
There is no need to forgive a person if he has knowingly or unknowingly Â harmed you. There is no way one can revert the action as the damage has been done by then.
You can forget and forgive your friends, family and children but not everyone who come across your way in work place, social circles and life who hurts, humiliates or insults you. I mean I can’t.Â
Someone told me few days back that ego is not such a bad thing and at times ego is like your self respect and dignity which people don’t like and termed you as a egoistic person. I liked this logic and was relaxed as many a times it happened with me. People say I have that oomph in me. It is not high headedness, it is just my confidence and attitude which people cannot digest. I don’t pretend to be bold and give my opinions often. It’s just that I’m like this by nature. They feel insecure, feel threatened and Â try to pull me down, spread rumors about me and finally create problems for me. Mind you they do it deliberately. Now do you expect me to forget and forgive?????
They don’t deserve my sympathies rather I will avoid them, talk to them being diplomatic when meet and smile but at the same time…..
I will not sulk, cry or crib about it.
I won’t forget what they did to me.
I may Â forgiveÂ but I’ll remain careful.
For others, I will keep on doing good to them.
I agree that WordPress should retire this prompt. I refuse to do these anymore. They are third or fourth time around, identical. I just can’t do them anymore.
I know. Next time I’m going to write an open letter to them that bloggers don’t forgive and forget. lol 🙂
I had a conversation about forgiveness recently and we had different opinions about this, but I did see both sides of it.
We used marital relationships as an example along with Scriptures we are familiar with. Now, as for me, I will forgive a person but logically I can never forget. Our brains and memories are not wired like that and for good reason- so we may learn. And I also believe that just because you forgive someone, does not mean you have to accept that person back in your life again.
But you have some who will say: “Every one deserves a second chance and God does not like Divorce and he loves forgiveness and yada yada…”
I say, He does not like it, but it is allowed.
Basically the consensus is that it is up to the individual/couple if they want to have another shot at forgiving and loving- and truthfully, relationships have been restored because of forgiveness- but many have not because of the violation of trust.
Thank you for your wonderful insight in both of your blog posts!
Thank you so much for very matured words and I agree to your logic too that God may not like this but it is allowed. I would try my level best to make things normal at the same time the pain remains there forever. I don’t believe in revenge or praying ill for someone who did wrong to me. I leave that to God.
There are 165 total answers to this post, and I see only a few from the lat time it was prompted. I don’t even see my old one on the grid and yes, it has been done so much, so I decided to give it a miss this time. I now have the new WordPress app on my computer and so am going through the reader to see what the others have written. At the moment no problem, as I am still learning by doing, just a case of getting used to it.
Just read your post and requested for a link too. Sounds good. I will download it. Yes, even I can’t see my previous response to this post. I have found it in my archives and linked it with this one.
I’m with you. Forgiveness is for the forgiver because it makes life easier. Anger and bitterness are heavy burdens. AND if the forgiven cared about the forgiver at all, no forgiveness would be necessary. Forgetting is just asking for more damage. I like your examples. I was yelled at publicly by a boss and I never forgot it — nor did I forgive it. It was unjust and inappropriate.
Thank you so much for the encouragement & your explanation of forgiven- forgiver reationship. I think you can forgive an innocent but not a shrude person. Public humiliation is really unforgettable.
Absolutely. Public humiliation is justification for ejecting someone out of the your universe (since murder is frowned upon).